6 Good Reasons I Can’t Always Pick Up my Dog’s Poop

A question for animal lovers and dog owners everywhere: How many times have you left your dog’s defecation on the grass or on the sidewalk or in front of someone’s house and walked away not picking it up? Days or nights when you are walking down the street with your dog and suddenly he/she slows and moves into that crouchy “dog doing poop” position and you think “CRAP!” No pun intended. You look around to see if anyone is walking toward you, you look up to see if anyone is peering off of their terrace, you squint into the sky to see if there are invisible government cameras filming you and then you slowly crawl away when you hear someone yell from their parked car across the street, “Hey! Are you gonna pick that up?”

This is when my mind starts racing and I try to decide if I should really get into why I HAVE to leave it behind. This is where I keep walking because if I don’t I will turn around and pick the poop up with my bare hands and walk it over to the guy in the car and dump it in his lap and say, “Why? Yes! I WAS LITERALLY going to pick it up.” If you are THAT GUY in the car, here are 6 GOOD reasons for why I can’t always pick up my dog’s poop.

1. One of the great reasons I must sometimes leave dog poop behind is because my children fed her their leftovers last night and she has diarrhea. So the poop that came out of her butt is watery and drooly and can not be “picked up.”
2. My dog hasn’t been out in 9 hours and it’s the third time she is pooping on this particular walk. I have run out of bags. I’ve already picked it up twice. I’ve rummaged through near by garbage dumpsters to find papers, wrappers, a cup only to find nothing that will do the trick. I do not have another bag or anything else to pick it up with, for that matter.
3. I forgot the bag when I left the house and I sincerely have every intention of coming back downstairs to pick it up… BUT do I have to explain this to you?
4.  I mistake my female dog’s squat for a peepee squat and not a poop squat and I am texting and writing about walking my dog on Facebook and I earnestly do not know she pooped.
5. My dog is pooping and I have my hand positioned with plastic bag like glove ready to pick
   up said poop but when my dog is done defecating, she walks through the poop and smashes it into the grass with her paw. I can try and grab smashed poop from each blade of grass but it is a feeble attempt and is ridiculous. It’s like miming picking up poop. It’s like pretending to pick up poop because it’s so WRONG to leave biodegradable natural fertilizer behind that you actually have to improv scooping the feces from the ground because it’s impossible to remove it from the earth.
6. It is night time and it is DARK. So dark that I can not see the poop. The poop is small and the sky is dark and the grass is long. I CAN NOT FiND IT.

Those are my 6 GOOD reasons why I can’t always pick up my dog’s poop. And I strongly suggest that if you are THAT PERSON, who shouts out, “ARE YOU GOING TO PICK THAT UP?” You should reconsider these reasons before you yell and humiliate someone you do not know. Let dogs poop in peace and let their owners do the best job we can when we’ve committed to loving and caring for another creature who otherwise would, most likely, have been euthanized. Remember this pet owner job entails 3 walks a day. 2 meals a day. Water all day. A game or 2 of fetch. Treats. Toys. a Bed. Vet visits that cost more than my own doctor visits. Sweeping and vacuuming up shedded hair which most times causes allergies. Grooming visits twice per month. And lots and lots of love. Give it some thought and get to your nearest animal shelter ASAP so you can adopt a furry friend of your own this way you won’t have as much time on your hands and you will no longer need to shout at dog walkers everywhere! Oh and by the way all the luck you experience in your life is THANKS TO ME and MY DOG because stepping in Shit is Good Luck!

Photo Credit: © Elizabeth Regen All Rights Reserved