An Open Letter to the Average, Above Average and Perfectly Proportioned Humans

Thank you for your beaming ear to ear grins and stifled laughs that greet me when you see me waddling by, making my way into the store. The fact that I can hear you making rude and insulting remarks after I have passed are tempered and eased by the memory of the beautiful smile you flashed me only moments earlier.

Thank you for not making me move out of your way when making my selection on a shelf but by simply reaching over my head and grabbing what you need. Not only does this expedite both of our shopping experiences I am a big fan of armpits both deodorized and naturally scented. Mammaries on top of my head are an added bonus.

Thank you for placing the card slider for my credit card at the register almost too high to reach. It gives me an opportunity to work on my calf muscles while stepping on my tippy toes and stretching my neck out. This kind act doesn’t only happen at the register but at banks, gas pumps, the doctor’s office and even in restaurants like Subway. It does make me wonder about those in a wheelchair, though.

Thank you for bending down to my eye level and talking loudly and slowly. Not only is it a courtesy in making sure I understand you, but it makes me feel like a kid again. The next best thing is when you pick me up and place me on your knee! Nothing fills me with childhood memories more.

Thank you for dropping everything you are doing and grabbing me in a huge embrace. Nothing beats a bear hug by a stranger. Thank you for telling me what a blessing to your life I am and for reminding you that your life could be worse, you could be a midget.

Thank you for stepping in front of me in line and allowing me to spend more time checking out the candy, mini OxiClean bottles, and fashion magazines. It’s that little extra “me” time I look forward to. Plus, I know you are busy and to have to walk out before me. I would only slow you down.

Thank you for helping my daughter, and I bond while playing the “Look Mommy! He is staring at you” game which is second only, to the fun family favorite “Look at the mother snatch her kid away from the scary dwarf” game. It provides endless enjoyment no matter where we chose to go.

But mostly, I thank you for toughening my skin, boosting my will and creating a survivor in my soul. Each jab, laugh, joke, taunt or ignorant comment only builds me up and makes ME better. Thank you for molding me into the person I am today.