Author: Dave Pasquel

After living under a rock for nearly 25 years, Dave had his eyes opened wide to the world in 2010 after marrying his crazy cat lady wife. Intrigued by controversy, culture, lifestyle, current events and history, Dave has traveled to 41 states and a handful of foreign countries. Defined as ‘metro’ by his three kids, you will often find him cleaning the house instead of working out in the yard. In his spare time, Dave likes to write sappy love songs but will be the first to admit that he can’t carry a tune.

Fault Line

January 10, 2020January 10, 2020 Dave Pasquel

Don’t cross the fault lineYou will trip and stub your toeAnd plunge into the deep abyss belowIt will swallow you wholeAnd leave your demons exposedYou will never bare your flaccid spineDon’t cross the fault line Don’t rouse the earth’s quakeAnd bare the dark secrets you must ownIt will expose your Read more

Loving and Leaving an Alcoholic: Am I Self Centered?

October 26, 2019October 26, 2019 Dave Pasquel

The day after spending Christmas with family, I received a text message from a close relative. You are a self-centered piece of crap. Good riddance. You’re not welcome here ever again. Period. Everything was planned at our expense. What the fuck did I plan? What the fuck is everything? I Read more

Putting the Fun in My Funeral

October 8, 2018November 26, 2018 Dave Pasquel

However awkward, my wife Allison holds both the lunacy and the skillset to break laws of etiquette – especially when it comes to putting the fun in funeral. Of course, she initially offers up genuine, heartfelt sympathy at the appropriate time and displays rarely-seen seriousness during solemn moments. However, when Read more

I Quit, Bitches!

May 30, 2018September 13, 2018 Dave Pasquel

It is fucking impossible to work with Bethany. Instead of being a team player, she’s an ego-driven, self-serving, arrogant, superficial little floozy. She regularly empowers herself to bulldoze over me by hijacking my responsibilities and compromising my professional reputation. In fact, she purposely intimidates everyone on the team by bullying Read more

Am I a Stuck Up Little Bitch?

April 18, 2018September 13, 2018 Dave Pasquel

I just learned I have a reputation as a recluse – a reputation I hate. It’s true, I’m easily intimidated by colleagues and acquaintances who are younger, stronger, braver, more outgoing, better educated and better looking than me. When I feel demoralized – whether it’s real or imagined – I Read more

I Want Tears

February 21, 2018October 15, 2018 Dave Pasquel

I want tears I want pain I want grief I want shame My hands char from a gentle touch, so effortlessly. Spite me, Condemn me Damage me. Spew your madness upon me. I am not the demon you face. My eyes burn from the black darkness, so easily. Pierce me, Read more

Some Days, I’m A Little Bit Psycho

January 30, 2018October 13, 2018 Dave Pasquel

If I suffer from another spazz-fest, I’m gonna slap myself in the face – hard. I am friggin’ sick and tired of dealing with my hyper-sensitive reactions – especially when I’m consciously aware I have an ongoing habit of overreacting to, well, almost anything. Consumed by worry and exhausted from Read more

I Won Second Prize in a Beauty Contest and Collected More Than $10

December 3, 2017September 14, 2018 Dave Pasquel

Since the day I could count, my brother and I battled dozens of times in family tournaments of Monopoly. Before each match, he would confront me with his antagonizing, big-brother, I-am-the-boss-of-you tone. “Ready to lose another game of MO-NOP-O-LY, Dave-IT?” Expecting an inescapable wrestling hold if I refused, I gave Read more