That girl,
She was young, caring, kind, but naive.
She was shy, hair as long as a mermaid,
eyes filled with hope for the future.
She was fifteen, beginning the process of figuring herself out,
the person she wants to be.
He was one year older,
Dirty-blonde hair, blue eyes, and tall.
He gave her tingles, fast pulse, strong heart beats.
He was her first boyfriend.
They smiled, they laughed, they were young and in love.
For over 2 years.
Then everything changed.
She was sleeping, dreaming.
He came into her bed, kissed her on the lips, changed her.
Her body was numb, she awoke and realized his penis was inside her.
She said “Stop!”
He continued.
She tried pushing his heavy weight off her,
Saying, “Stop! Get off!”
He said, “I guess we are no longer virgins.”
She slapped him, fury raging inside her.
This girl,
Her life changed.
She was no longer a virgin, but desperately wanted to be.
She was angry, scared, unsure what to do.
Young and naive.
She stayed with him for another two years, before gaining the courage
to stand up for herself and
dump his ass.
This girl,
stronger than she ever realized,
she was me.
A hidden secret, nobody knew.
I felt the pain of what happened for a little bit,
then wiped the hard drive of my life clean,
not wanting to recognize what happened.
I never blamed myself like I could have,
perhaps too much rage occurred within my silent self.
I blocked the entire thing out, never wanting to talk about it or give him any acknowledgement.
Years and years later, I told my family.
Few more years later I began writing about it, sharing my words with others.
Don’t feel bad for me,
I chose to feel whatever I needed to in the moment,
take time to finally admit to myself what happened,
and realize the best thing I can now do is make others not feel alone.
That girl,
With mermaid hair, eyes filled with hope,
She is brave and strong.
I am brave and strong.
YOU are brave and strong.
Photo by Gary White from FreeImages
