Don’t hold my hand.
Never hug me, kiss me
or tell me that you love me.
Always say things that stab my heart.
That is the way it should be.
What you feel is more important than my thoughts,
so please continue to speak over me.
Every mistake I have made,
color them in with a bold marker
Tell me about all the times that I have failed in love
failed my family.
Remind me,
because sometimes I prefer to forget.
Keep me hanging,
keep me on a leash.
Keep me confused.
Keep me desperate.
Keep me.
My decisions are the wrong ones
that is why you always reprimand me.
True love.
Yes it is true love.
The way you take loving control over me.
It doesn’t matter that you will not sleep with me.
I know that you can’t stand me.
I won’t beg.
I don’t need to feel your body next to mine.
I am arrogant,
a narcissist,
the kind of woman you abhor.
Efforts that I make to better myself are never quite right.
I am happy that you call me out on that fact.
I have to try harder.
Be better.
I am foolish.
I am a child,
locked in a fucked up woman’s body.
I am unlovable.
Photo Credit: The Headless Headbanger via Compfight cc
This hurts! I know many women, especially young women, who are stuck with this perspective until they listen to other inner or outer voices and walk away. (I don’t take this as where you are now, but of course I don’t know.) Thank you for courage and for articulating the helpless trap. Thank you, John Busby, for laying out another path.
Wow John.
What can I say? Thank you for your loving words.
I appreciate them, and the fact that you took the time to express yourself.
Best-
J
Hi Julie 🙂
It’s a lie…
That You can’t do anything about it….
It is not a lie that You’re not doing anything about it…
To give in to Your angers and fears of the illusions that this Beautiful World doesn’t Care about You….that this World of confused and lost Beautiful People react with knives of sharpened heartless Words…not to that other lost Beautiful Person in front of You…
It is the system we have all Created….from the darkness of greed and hate…We have Painted God as bad or non existent….not because of His Love for us all…..but for those People who build buildings using His name…they use those establishments to feed Your fears and hates….Your greedy appetite for power and money….Your Human weaknesses…that We all posses…….they become machine people using the lost and lonely….those that want to Truly Believe….
Those who Truly want to Believe still in God and those True Good things in our World…You become weak….becoming cogs within the big black belching machine…
What can i do…..You ask Yourself….
Everyone mostly want to help one another….it’s Human….but we have lost sight of it….things are so fast now…the machine is taking over….Softness and Giving is dying…the brutes are taking over….and You’re letting them….
You do not have a machine Heart….You have a Loving Heart….this World can support us all….if We all Free Ourselves from the brutish machine of slavery…..Free Ourselves from Our weaknesses…..Free Ourselves from the words of the brutes and machine hearted….for they are the True weak ones….for they are unLoved…unNatural…..not You…..
To Free Yourself….You must only do this….
Do the Right thing….
When You are pushed by the dark machine….do the Right thing….fight the Good Fight….the Kingdom of God is inside of all People…
He is not within an establishment….
He is within You…..
I Love You all 🙂
Good God on Your Journey…. 🙂
You are Lovable Julie… 🙂
Kitt-
I agree. It is a “normal” state of existence for many women.
Thank you, as always, you brighten my day when you take the time to read my thoughts and comment.
Kisses-
J
Gut wrenching.