Humanity: Raw & Unfiltered
He had already locked the front door so she couldn’t escape, couldn’t open her cage.
Perhaps he uttered a prayer to whomever murderers utter prayers too. Perhaps he gave last rights to himself, took communion, had a last meal, said goodbye to his mother, brother, sister, children, the cats.
I like to read books
and watch the sunset
pull dirt out of sentences.
However clear, it is
always unclear to hit the
mark of unquestioning
compatibility that will
some day make history
in the circle of
unemployed emotions
while keeping the door
unlocked, with vague
promises, unfinished
sentences, and laced with
a lingering scent of
the past
Turning in on itself,
turning out reflecting images of men,
transforming into disgust.
I touched upon my entire anatomy of silver ribbons and glittering intentions and deep black tar of unidentifiable insecurity without first learning how each part of me functioned.
The most beautiful moment I had in college (aside from the day I bought myself a vibrator or learned to make poached eggs) was when I went to the lake, picked up a flat stone the size of a driver’s license and threw it. It skipped four times, just like that. I didn’t need CJ to show me how to do it, reveal any special secret to me. In the end, I didn’t need him, didn’t want him, at all.
Then, in a wine soaked haze, I realize what the worst part about this is.We are always on guard against the men in the streets. The ones who whistle while we walk. We guard against the men at the bars, whose smiles turn to snarls upon rejection. We guard against the men online whose thumbs could spell “slut” without help from their eyes. We are almost always on guard. We almost never feel safe.
I am sorry.
I am sorry that you held on to faith,
I am not a believer, I have no allegiance
other than the one forged by pain,
with the Goddess of Self-Preservation.