I Am Afraid

There. I said it.

Bring on the Calvary! Sound the alarm! Blow the trumpets in Zion and quote every single scripture on fear you know and I will say them right along with you.

Yes, I am fearless, fearfully and wonderfully made but I am also afraid.

Of what you ask? SUCCESS!

HOW does something like that happen to me of all people?!

Little Ms. “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!”

It’s called LIFE and “life” boys and girls has been happening to a lot of us with a vengeance.

It’s mean at times life is; unfair, cruel and consistent in paying me back for every poor decision and moment of weakness I’ve ever indulged in. Waist line and double chin relentlessly telling all of my business like a gossiping irritant during recess. Hmph!

Honey, when my mouth could not cry above a whimper; declining health, a muddled memory, poor time management and fabulous selfies spoke for me. Loudly.

I write poetry. Lots of it, and I find it’s been my outlet; well my vice of choice. As a blogger (which I am), you’re expected to consistently blog; (imagine that). So poetry and quick-witted quips and quotes have been so, dare I say…therapeutic?

But now…

Now that my voice is resonating with other “hurtees”; as a polite, quirky, bear hugging, talkative introvert, I find myself shrinking back. Realizing that I am afraid of success and dreading the attention that comes along with others being able to relate to my story.

Flaws magnified and insecurities amplified…that kind of afraid.

I love honest writing and writing transparently about love, heartbreak and the eclectic inspiration that makes my little world goes round. It is invigorating. Quite liberating actually.

It is a blessing to admit I have SO much to learn, am having fun in my skin, and am super courageous; until someone peers around the corner, slowly raising their hand, eyes grazing the ground (that they wished would swallow them whole) and they whisper, “Me too, I thought I was the only one”.

Now that was one heck of a run-on sentence…but it felt so darn good.

Photo Credit: Alyssa L. Miller Flickr via Compfight cc