Loneliness

There are different sides to loneliness.
Like a lover, with two faces.
Sometimes it creeps up while you driving in a silent car.
Other times you feel it when you walk through a park,
Noises everywhere around you, but none of them belong to you.

A lot of times loneliness is almost welcomed.
The busy mom, appreciating a lonely moment of blissful quietness.
A career man, exhaling after a suffocating board meeting.
A teacher, walking into a silent home, smiling.
Loneliness has a certain undeniable beauty to those who are comfortable with their own self.
But then there’s the other side of loneliness, the less attractive side.
That ache you are left with when standing in a crowd and feeling bewildered…lost.
The family member who is always smiling, convoluted inside,
none of the people closest to him, really knows him.
The girl, who gets straight A’s and everyone cheers, but all she wanted was an “I love you” from her Father who’s attention was with the whiskey in his tumbler.
The boy that feels like a girl inside, yet his muscles got him into the rugby team and now all he can be is who everyone else wants him to be.
The housewife, with the clean home and diamonds on all her fingers, crying as her husband turns his back, night after night.
Those are the people who smile while their souls are screaming,
They show up, while merely getting out of bed was a battle.
They are never alone yet loneliness is their closest friend…a friend who is their worst enemy.
The pretend
They act
They try
They break…

Those are the people who deal with the other side of loneliness, the haunting side.
“We never knew.”
“I wish he said something.”
“If only someone told us.”
“She had everything she wanted, what made her do it?”
But it’s too late…loneliness took its toll.

Haunting loneliness is the devil that makes you believe that death is easier than recovery.
It whispers in your soul that the only way out is through pills,
It screams at your scars, then convinces you there is no such thing us surviving…only suffering.
It drowns the logic and replaces it with doubt and self-hate.
It aims to win and takes all that is left of you to the fire and watches you burn to ashes as you finally give in.

Not everyone knows both sides of loneliness…
For some, haunting loneliness is not a moment, it’s their life.

Photo Credit: @the.photoguy (insta) Flickr via Compfight cc